Saturday, August 29, 2015

Litany for my "Cloistered Brothers"

R.  Lord have mercy on me

When I can’t accept the past:     R.
When I feel all locked up:       R.
When I despair:                R. 
When I can’t forgive:     R. 
When I feel the world hates me:  R. 
When I am lonely:        R. 
When the day never ends:      R. 
When I am overshadow by darkness: R. 
When I’ve lost hope:     R. 
When I have no one:      R. 
When I hurt:      R. 
When I fall into sin:   R. 
When I am afraid:     R. 
When I see no point to living:   R. 
When problems overwhelm:    R. 
When I am judged:    R. 
When You seem distant:   R. 
Closing Prayer

O Merciful God, I see You tortured and thrown into prison.  I see You shamed in Your nakedness before the crowd.  I see the confused hurt in Your Mother’s eyes. Help me Lord in Your compassion to keep my faith, and hope to be with You in paradise.  I love You.  You are all I have.  It is in Your Eucharist that I taste your sweetness.  We become One.  May I have the grace to feel the effects of Your Redemption forever.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Psalm for Mercy

Psalm for Mercy

Help me Lord
my accusers are strong
I am weak.

Their anger
consumes reason
I am in danger.

Give me shelter, Lord
under your wide wings
help me this day.

Turn away their judgment
Banish all my enemies
I repent of all my sins.

My sins against You
are my worst fear
You are so worthy.

I am so ashamed.
My life is a disaster
Remove my disgrace.

Absolve all my transgressions
Bring me home to You
May I rest in Your peace.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Bitter Hurt

Drawing by MEK

I thought I'd forgiven him.  At least I was trying.  I was going through the motions.  But when we were together, standing next to each other.  I'd feel internally so cynical and angry, and that made me anxious and confused.  It was depressing me because I was trying--praying not to feel this way.

The only way I can describe it is that he made me feel broken, not healthy.  Somehow, he made me not feel like myself.  Was he to be blamed for something he didn't even know about?  "Is he making me feel broken or is it myself?"  To be truthful, I had to admit that he probably had no clue how I felt.  So I was only hurting myself by harboring the resentment, hurt and anger that made me feel broken.

"What!  Am I stupid?"

"It's not him; it's me."  Slowly the realization that forgiveness wasn't about him, at all.  It's more about healing MYSELF.  I have to forgive to make and keep myself healthy.  This was an epiphany.  What I perceived as a wrong committed by him, somehow morphed into a wrong committed by me.  How did that happen?

Time was a factor.  Over time I had nursed my hurt into a gnawing bitterness that I perversely enjoyed. Blaming him was easier than thinking reasonably. So much time had gone by that he wouldn't even remember what had happened if I discussed it with him.  Now it's time for me to get over it, too.

OK.  Time for healing.  I once read Bishop Tutu's No Future Without Forgiveness and understood and recommend the book.  However, for me, it was an abstract concept.  Now however, it's palpable.  I will stay broken unless I get over my "hurt."  Time will help, but for now I can pray to be healed. we forgive those who trespass against us...

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Another Prayer

Mercy Prayer
Fr. Lataste by MEK
God of mercy and of love,
no one can outdo You in 
compassion and generosity.
With this in mind I humbly
petition You to forgive my 
sins, help me to forgive
myself, soften the hearts
of those I have harmed
and free all imprisoned
behind bars of hate.

With overwhelming gratitude
I know how much You love me.
Help me to be worthy of Your 
love.  Give others the grace to
not judge me according to the
wrongs I have committed but as
Your repentant child.

May St. Dominic and Pere
Lataste continue my prayer.
This I ask through Christ, my
Lord and Savior.     Amen

Monday, August 24, 2015

Prayer to Our Lady of Mercy

Our Lady of Mercy

Father, You saw Your Son, Jesus, thrown in prison,
and redeemed.  We thank you for your providence
and care.  You gave us Mary, as our model in all
things.  She accepted Your Will with faithful trust.

Help us to be like Mary, in faith, hope, love, and
obedience.  Have Mary spread Your mercy on
all whose hearts are hardened with anger, hurt,
and sin.  May we all learn from her compassion
and accept Your holy will.

Strengthen us to be like Mary:
to ponder Your Word in our hearts,
to sing Your praises every day.

Father, we ask this through Your Son
Jesus Christ.


Sunday, August 23, 2015

The Christian Paradox

A MEK Drawing

It's a kind of paradox to love the sinner but not the sin.  When I sit with my "cloistered brothers" I love them all.  Of course I don't love what they've done; I don't even want to imagine it.  I separate the two.


Just as easy as telling a lie and accepting the trust in your eyes.  Just as easy as cheating on my essay and accepting the "A".  Just as easy as driving over the speed limit, yet slowing down for ducklings. Just as easy as separating myself from the person who drank a little too much last night and went to Communion in the morning.

What is the difference between those found guilty and the innocent?  Too many times it's just a matter of circumstance:

lack of money
wrong skin color
mental illness
bad neighborhood
bad parents
bad lawyer

There but for the grace of God go I.  When I hear their stories I can see parts of my own story.  I see myself.  So I treat everyone like I would like to be treated.  That means that I am a good person that sometimes does bad things.  I am not bad.  I chose wrong.  I made wrong choices.  Please don't define me by my past.  See me not my sins.